And so....it starts

Oh Lordie! Here we go again.

History time:

When I was in the beginning of my senior year, I had just gotten out of a relationship that was really long (for how old I was) and was looking forward to finally being single for a little while. I started hanging out with Josh A.K.A. “Woody” because he looks like the cartoon character. *Dirty little minds!! Get out of the gutter*

I’d sneak out with my brother and go to his house and we’d smoke weed and just chill. He was a really good friend!

Then…we had sex. I didn’t really want a relationship at the time but he was a sweetheart so we continued to be friends until one day he just disappeared. It was strange; he fell off the face of the earth.

Haven’t talked to him in three years.

TILL NOW

He tells me that I was “a dream” and that he really liked me but was scared of me because he could never have a girl like me…umm..ok? That’s confusing to me because I have never seen myself that way.

Anyway, one thing leads to another….history repeats itself only this time, I actually could want to pursue something with him and I’m not sure if he’s in that spot anymore…:-/

It’s ok, I want some room to myself because I just got out of a relationship but I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever be able to stop messing around and give him a shot.

He’s moving to a town that’s about 45 minutes away and wants me to visit but he hasn’t said anything to me in a few days. I don’t even know if he’s trustable…I dk. Maybe he’s just the only guy who gave a shit about me in this last few days when I needed someone?

I’ll give it some time to heal, feel it out, and decide what is going to happen. Until then, I have little mental pictures of him saved in my head that I won’t share. J

Who would have thought?

Who would have thought?

I get out of one controlling relationship and then everyone who was telling me to get out wants to control me!

My brother wants to tell me that I have to come to his house every night. I don’t have to stay but he wants me there.

My mom asked where I would be living. I told her that I’d stay with her if that was ok and I’d go between her house and dad’s. She flipped. “I got a house with an extra room for you! No offence but I expect you to use it!”

I’m 20 years old. Fuck you.

Dad is trying to tell me what kind of friends to have. “You shouldn’t have friends with boyfriends right now, they’ll just push you  to date.”

So…you’re telling me that I should stop talking to all my friends because they all have boyfriends and obviously I shouldn’t talk to guy friends because they’ll want to date me? Cool. Just like my ex. I’m not allowed to have friends, go where I want to go, and I’m being told where to be…

Nothing is changing.

Nothing…

Today is a new day

“Umm…yeah. We’ve been broken up for a week now. Don’t you remember having this conversation?”

“Oh, sure , douche bag. I think I’d fucking remember if we had broken up a week ago because I wouldn’t still be living here!”

Yep, that’s how my weekend started out. Nice huh?

At first he was all nice and said that I could stay there until I got something figured out. Then, as always, he changes his mind and says he would appreciate if I left ASAP. Lucky for him I was planning on it anyway.

You see, this is a welcome change because it had gotten to the point that I was annoyed with everything he did. He couldn’t even wake up in the morning and stretch without making me want to punch him. Our relationship wasn’t working and I was just too pussy to tell him that.

Him dumping me? I honestly don’t care. I mean, it’s not working and I was too chicken shit to say it so now that I have my out, I’m taking it and running. J I’ve already changed all the contacts in my phone, started planning getting my hair done, got a personal trainer.

I’m doing shit for me now.

My life is shit. Not going to play it any other way. Now I have the full opportunity to change that completely.

Not  that I didn’t before…It’s just waving in my face now…

I guess that’s lazy and shows my lack of caring but not anymore!

Today is a new day and I’m ready to take it on full force.

Sisters Suck

My little sister is a scam artist, or a genius depending on how you look at it. Either way, she’s definitely a sales person.

She’s always had this amazing ability to convince you that you’re getting a great deal even when you know that it’s not worth it. That mixed with the fact that she’s 8 years old doesn’t help your wallet any.

She would set up these “art galleries” and have them displayed all over the house. She’d walk you through them and explain them all to you while noting the price tag on the bottom right corner. They started small at 10 cents and made it all the way up to $1.50.

She’d start by handing you 10 pictures and when you added it all up, it would cost just about $10 if not just under. I’d be like

“Hey! I don’t have that kind of extra cash hanging around. That’s too much”

So she bargains.

“Ok, well, since you’re my sister, I’ll give it all to you for $3.”

So I hand her $3.

“Thanks, Nina! Next time I’ll give you a deal.”

She does this to everyone who walks in the door! Then I realized that I just bought ten pieces of paper that she used water color on that took probably about 5 min to make.  $3 dollars for five minutes is $36 an hour!

What. The. Fuck.

She’s good.

Good Morning BLOGGER!!!!!

OK. Ok. Ok. It’s closer to afternoon now. Damn that work, it should stop interfering with my blogger time!

I know what you’re thinking. “Kristy, why don’t you just blog when you get home? Or maybe even in the morning before work?”

“Because, Blogger, I just don’t want to! I spend forever on the computer all day, the last thing I want to do is get BACK on it at night. Unless there’s school, you can forget it. GET OFF MY BACK!”

Being 20 doesn’t feel much different than 19. I’m grieving the loss of my teen years for sure but I just don’t get that “I’m a whole year older” feeling that I used to when I was younger. :-/ I miss it dammit! I want to FEEEL that year. (Ok now you’re just a creeper, NEXT)

I saw a moose this past weekend. Yes, a live, wild, MOOSE! I know, it’s stupid, I live in Colorado and have never seen one in the wild but this time I did and I felt stupid because I was one of those tourists that tried to get a picture.

Now you wait one second!! I did not STOP to take this picture, I wasn’t that bad, I just slowed and tried to get a picture.

I failed.

HELL YA! I thought about turning around.

I didn’t.

Long story short:

I saw a moose this weekend. Tried to get a picture. Didn’t. Damn.

Instead, I took one off of google and SAID that was the picture I took. They look the same (maybe they’re twins?) and whose REALLY going to know that I didn’t take it? Right?

Unless you’re THAT bored and google it. In that case…FUCK YOU! I took that picture and you’re just jealous.

 

Ain’t he cute? J

Moose are my favorite animal in case you can’t tell.

(NEXT)

Joes Crab Shack this weekend! Sister and I’s birthday. We had a complete blast! The staff must have been in a really good mood or something because they were dancing on tables and running around, we were definitely entertained.

*Now I realize you’re losing brain cells from reading this post but bear with me*

Convincing?

Ok, fine! Then have  a GREAT rest of your day! J

Bye Bye blogger!

Change

Here we go again…

When does it all end?

Today?

Tomorrow?

When?

I can’t fucking take all the nonsense anymore. It’s starting to really get to a point where it’s just too much and, quite frankly, I couldn’t give a shit less what happens at this point. I’m done putting in all the effort to get walked on by everyone and expected to do this or that. It’s dumb. I’m better than that.

I need a change in my life. STAT. No more of this loser boyfriend bull shit. No more of this full time job not being able to get school done bull shit. No more of this being controlled by retarded mother fuckers bull shit. NOTHING! NO MORE BULL SHIT.

I’m done pretending to be something I’m not. I’m done pretending that I care what they think and I’m done pretending that I believe that they actually know what they’re talking about.  I always get let down because no one keeps their word anymore. The world has become a selfish place to live and for a sensitive soul like me, it’s a rough territory.

It’s been 19 years of nonstop crap that I have to go through with people who are close to me. My own mother let me get walked on by a sick fucking poor excuse for a step dad.

It’s time for something drastic….

What?

I don’t know. I have so many options; I need to choose what the best long term solution is for me.

Only time will tell.

I can’t live like this anymore.