Rant!!!

I've been letting this build up for a while. 

One of those things that you keep telling yourself that you'll just brush off and feel sorry for the other person instead of letting it get to you... 

Well... I've failed!! This woman takes the cake for awful bosses that I've dealt with! 

I would like to preface this story with the fact that I know full well that I let my bosses push me around. I absolutely stay too long and make too many excuses for bad behavior and let myself get so mad that in the end, there is no mending what has been done. 

I began working for Kathy* almost a year and a half ago. In the beginning, she was great. Thankful for my efforts and my hard work. Then she started getting overly frustrated with the fact that she is a small business owner and having to do all this work and there weren't any more employees to help her. That's when every move I made was wrong. 

When I was at work, she would tell her clients how she does everything and that I was useless. Then if I couldn't come to work, she told everyone how she was all by herself and how hard it is when your staff leaves you hanging. There was just no winning! 

It got progressively worse until I was embarrassed to be at work because my clients weren't comfortable coming there and she would just bad mouth me to all of her clients right where I could hear! 

I finally gave my two weeks notice and explained that I would love to help her in my remaining time to train someone and make sure that Everything would be ok when I left. 

What did I get?!?! 

Treated even worse!! 

She knows I am all about reputation and keeping my word so I was ABSOLUTELY going to finish my two weeks! Which means she knows that no matter what she said, I'd keep my word. 

So she acted like it was middle school! I got the silent treatment and she said all sorts of awful things to her clients about me and would treat me like a thief! She made clients afraid That I was going to steal their money! 

Did I say anything?! 

NO!! 

She knew I wouldn't because I don't like to make clients feel uncomfortable in a situation that they have no control over! 

I have never had a boss be so unprofessional in all my life!! 

The life of a so called "Adult"

I'm not even going to bore you with the whole "I promise to write more" nonsense. I'll do my best.

Honestly, I just forget.

Life.

I had to go back through some of my old posts just to remember. That point was an all time low for me. Life was way beyond stressful then and it continues to this day. Different kinds of stress but stress none the less.

I'm a full time hair stylist now. With the good and the bad, I love my job! I've met more inspirational people in the last year than ever before. I'm still trying to find clients and a salon to call home but I'm determined to succeed.

Stress, disappointments and all, life is good!

Goodbye...for now?

Oh it has been quite the interesting week.

My best friend/little brother joined the army and is graduating high school this week. So on top of all the planning and getting days off of work and school (who does a graduation on a Thursday?!) I'm processing that my time with my brother is limited. Once he leaves, he'll be gone for two years!

Mom is not too happy. Actually she was quite pissed to say the least because she felt like she should have been the first to know instead of me.

He had to come stay with me for a few days to escape her wrath while she calmed herself down a little.

I'm torn on the idea. I've given enough of my family to the military. My brother has never been able to decide what he wants and every time he talks (and believe me, it's a LOT) about being a ranger, his face lights up and he is happy. Happier than I've seen him in a while.

So I guess I should say that I support him and everything he wants to do but I don't like it.

The military changes people.

I just fear that when I hug him and say good bye that whoever comes back won't be my brother. I feel like goodbye will be forever rather than just for now.

I'm just too selfish to be ok with this.

Oh blogger, how I've missed thee.

When I started a blog, it was for a project. As I read and learned about some of the amazing people on here, I became attached. When I was separated, it took a while, but I realized that I couldn't stop thinking of everyone. I wondered what they were doing, what was new, how everyone was. I realized that my project had become a piece of my heart and while I didn't ever write much, I talked and got to know many wonderful souls that touched my heart. I didn't know it then but I do now.

I'm here to stay.

Am I the only one who thinks I'm fat?!?!

I think it's finally time to just come out and admit it.

I think I'm fat.

Whats new? Don't all girls/women think that they are too big or they'd like to lose weight here or there?

Well sure, I'd say so but exactly how far do other girls/ women take it?

Doctors tell me I'm in a healthy weight range for my height. My fiancee tells me that I'm beautiful and sexy. My mom says that I'm gorgeous and my friends tell me the same thing.

Why can't I believe them?

I get this overwhelming feeling that they are just being nice to me. They know that I'm concerned with my looks and my overall outward appearance to an extreme so maybe they just don't want to hurt my feelings or make me thing that there's something more wrong with me.

Then there's what I see in the mirror. I have gotten a little better in the last few years. I only have to make sure to layer on the foundation and the mascara to feel alright in public but you can forget taking my picture. I see nothing but fat. Extra weight in my mid section and thighs and my cheeks. I try to avoid the scale at all costs because that just confirms my fears.

I'll deny it all day. If someone asks me, I'll say "I'm at a healthy weight" or "I'm only working out to stay healthy" but in my head I'm embarrassed of the way that I look. I think that everyone is constantly staring and thinking that I'm chubby or fat. No one will just come out and say it.

I use makeup and hair to draw away from my stomach and love handles. I'm not one to starve myself or workout until I collapse but no matter how healthy I try to eat or how many times I work out, I don't see any changes that I'm happy with.

Is this something I can fix? Maybe.
Is it something that will be easy? Hell no.
I'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there who feels this same way and how do you feel better about it?

Being nice

So this last week, I was staying at My love's mom's house with him to help watch the dogs while his mom was out of town. I decided that it would be nice to clean up for her. She's been gone for a week and it's a 15 hour drive. Plus, I had been using the kitchen and living room so it's only right to clean up after yourself.

I vacuumed the whole place and steam cleaned the hard wood floors. I even cleaned up the kitchen and the stove/ oven. I decided that was good enough because I don't like going through other people's things to search or to clean. I think there is a point where it's respectful and there's a point that you begin to invade their personal space.

The dogs ended up tracking a little mud into the kitchen just before she came home and I wasn't able to clean it up before she came inside. Her first comment?

"What happened to my floor?!?!"

BITCH! That shit is ten times cleaner than you left it. You should be glad that I even took 8 hours to get all the mud and dog hair off your shit. Fuck you!

I didn't say that of course but that was the first and only thought in my head.

Now, Chelsea (one of the dogs) is really attached to her. She was depressed and had trouble getting motivated for the beginning of the week so I was letting her sleep in their room as a comfort thing. This is something that they allow on a daily basis so I didn't think it would be a problem if it helped calm Chels.

Nope.

After she commented on my awful mopping job, she continues into her room and comes out with a handful of sheets to wash. I asked if Chelsea had made herself at home and she just continued with a bitchy comment about how she had not only "ruined" the bed but the pillows too. Now she will have to change the sheets before she goes to sleep....

Well fuck....

Who would have thought?

Moral?

Never ask me to watch your house because I'll virtually destroy the fucking place.

You're welcome.

The wonderful world of Fashion....hahahahaha

I've spent my whole working life (mind you, it's not been that long) behind a desk writing legal paperwork for the stock market, mortgages, and non profit organizations. I'm great at it, I understand it, it pays well....but I HATE it.

I have taken two years out of the 8+ that I'll need to complete my law and psych degree and while I absolutely adore the psychological aspect, the law side is beginning (always has) to bore me.

I decided to take a break and branch out. To do something that I've always had a passion for.

HAIR AND MAKEUP!!

What a lovely idea, right?

It sounds fantastic and fun. A nice break from the dull fog of pressed pants and button ups that must be ironed and dry cleaned and the creation of black and white documents that must be signed in blue ink with a stamp that says I sat there and watched them sign that piece of crushed and processed tree.

WRONG!

I really love it, I am completely enamored with every aspect except for...

wait for it....

The other people.

What a caddy and stuck up industry fashion and hair design is. If you don't fit the mold of what is considered perfect then you are a complete abomination to the entire salon.

I'm on the alternative side. I like tattoos and bright neon hair. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy as long as my client loves what they see in the mirror even if it's granny that just needed curlers to set her style for the week.

I didn't get into this business to judge someone for what they want done with their hair or makeup, I want to make them happy with what they see in the mirror and how they feel when they walk down the mall or a runway (wishful thinking). While I really enjoy creating funky cuts or doing fantasy style makeup, I'm happy just cutting off split ends and adding a few highlights. Just let me play with your hair and I'm fucking happy.

Turns out, that's not how it works in the real world. They are gross little shit talking backstabbers that gossip about everyone (clients included) while they live their boring lives and bitch about having to work.

Well...here is my bitching and gossiping for the day. :-)

I'm going to show them one day that passion and non judgement in this industry will, in fact, get you further.

New mission: Change the view of the fashion industry to enjoy all different looks and sizes and shapes and styles. Embrace differences and use that as your chance to create something new that no one has ever seen. Create by accepting any and all ideas and using them to your advantage!!

One day and one client at a time....