I think it's finally time to just come out and admit it.
I think I'm fat.
Whats new? Don't all girls/women think that they are too big or they'd like to lose weight here or there?
Well sure, I'd say so but exactly how far do other girls/ women take it?
Doctors tell me I'm in a healthy weight range for my height. My fiancee tells me that I'm beautiful and sexy. My mom says that I'm gorgeous and my friends tell me the same thing.
Why can't I believe them?
I get this overwhelming feeling that they are just being nice to me. They know that I'm concerned with my looks and my overall outward appearance to an extreme so maybe they just don't want to hurt my feelings or make me thing that there's something more wrong with me.
Then there's what I see in the mirror. I have gotten a little better in the last few years. I only have to make sure to layer on the foundation and the mascara to feel alright in public but you can forget taking my picture. I see nothing but fat. Extra weight in my mid section and thighs and my cheeks. I try to avoid the scale at all costs because that just confirms my fears.
I'll deny it all day. If someone asks me, I'll say "I'm at a healthy weight" or "I'm only working out to stay healthy" but in my head I'm embarrassed of the way that I look. I think that everyone is constantly staring and thinking that I'm chubby or fat. No one will just come out and say it.
I use makeup and hair to draw away from my stomach and love handles. I'm not one to starve myself or workout until I collapse but no matter how healthy I try to eat or how many times I work out, I don't see any changes that I'm happy with.
Is this something I can fix? Maybe.
Is it something that will be easy? Hell no.
I'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there who feels this same way and how do you feel better about it?
